A Breath Of Sunshine
by alwayslovingyou
Summary: Since the summer started, her cell phone didn't play 'Maneater' anymore, her alarm clock is hidden away from her bed, and her nights became less lonely. And it wasn't because of the soft moonlight or the ghost curtains. LP


**Set somwhere before season 3, again, summertime :D I love this song. English isn't my first language, so yeah... Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or A Breath Of Sunshine by Scary Kids Scaring Kids or Maneater by Nelly Furtado. Oh, but I do own the gramatical mistakes and wrong use of tenses in this.**

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_**Lost myself in an endless goodnight  
Kept the time by the patterns of the streetlight  
Couldn't get it right  
I could never get it right  
Sadly, this is a wasted conversation  
Lost on you, lost on you  
This is a test of my patience  
Your blue eyes are so cruel**_

Maybe being happy is just a magical spell in her life, always coming when least expected, always disappearing when needed the most. When the magic is there, her life becomes a life she wished she could really live by. But then, the magic falls apart, and all that is left is her broken heart. Maybe it's just her destiny to be the one who has to suffer in pain and loneliness, sometimes because of life and sometimes because, as odd as it sounds, she became used to it, to the numb feeling that life gives her.

She often thinks about her life, about all of the things that happened to her, her mother's death and her friendship with Brooke. And about the things in between. Sometimes her thoughts just run around in her head (and it's nothing new), always escaping her, her desire to make the spell last never coming to life.

Or maybe she's the one running away.

It's odd how she finds the night comforting. Most people are afraid of the darkness which covers their homes and their lives every night, but mostly, people are afraid of what is lurking in that same darkness, their biggest fears or some kind of monsters. But not her.

In the darkness, she doesn't have to look at her empty walls, once covered with her art, with evidence of her broken heart. She doesn't have to look at her cell phone which doesn't play 'Maneater' anymore, the tune set for when Brooke calls. She doesn't have to look at the only thing which she left on her blood red walls, placed somewhere where you have to look for it to see that it's actually there. Sometimes she wonders why she never took the flaming heart off.

The moonlight creeps into her room through the half opened window while the curtains move around like ghosts, slowly and quietly, almost eerie. She can smell the summer rain which falls on the ground, touching the warm earth in angel like touches. Sleep comes to her mind, but she can't close her eyes. She just can't.

It's odd how she finds the night comforting. She could say it's because the night is more beautiful than the day. She could say that the moonlight holds more grace than the warm sunlight. She could say it's because the night covers her home with the dark blue cloak, and in a way, the cloak hides her from the big bad world.

She could say it, but she would lie.

Since the summer started, her cell phone didn't play 'Maneater' anymore, her alarm clock is hidden away from her bed, and her nights became less lonely. And it wasn't because of the soft moonlight or the ghost curtains.

He asked her once, it was when they were still Peyton Sawyer The Tortured Artist and Lucas Scott The Tortured Athlete, why she never locks her doors. She thought it was rude of him to ask her something like that, but still she had an answer.

«It's not like somebody lives there.»

_**I can't escape all the things we said  
I'm taking years off my life with the weight of regret  
Now there's nothing left  
There is nothing left to lose**_

When the words escaped her lips, it was then when she realized how scary that fact actually was.

He dared to ask her the same question a few weeks before the school finished. She still remembers how he was careful with the way he talked to her, almost like he was afraid she would do something to him. Because he knew, they weren't the same anymore. Their innocence was lost when they went behind Brooke's back, their friensdship was forgotten when he came back from Charleston. She still remembers how his eyes looked everywhere except at her.

She didn't bother to give him an answer.

But his question haunted her mind, and it still does. Mostly because he asks her the same thing every night.

«Why don't you lock your doors?»

She doesn't bother to look at the figure which is now casually leaning on her doorframe, she can sense his presence anywhere. Even if she doesn't want to.

«So that freaks like you could have some place to come to in the middle of the night.» He stays silent, the only sound which envelops the room are his footsteps.

The mattres sinks a bit as he lays down on the bed next to her. She still doesn't bother to look at him, nor does he look at her. They just stare at the blood red walls, and watch the moonlight dancing, blue sparks on the red, red sea.

He smells like rain.

«You're wet.»

«I walked here.»

«Why?»

He doesn't answer her, yet simply asks another question. «Where are your drawings?»

«I burnt them.»

A small laugh. «No, you didn't.»

She knows he's mocking her. «And how would you know that?»

He looks at her for the first time since he came to her room, and she finds his eyes interesting. They remind her of the dark blue night. A smile crosses his lips, the one which used to make her week in her knees, and she can't help but to feel like she's sixteen again. Even though she's only seventeen at the moment.

«Because your art matters.»

_**Shouldn't I feel alive?  
I swear that I tried  
To be alright  
To sleep at night  
Shouldn't I feel alive?**_

The moonlight creeps into her room through the half opened window while the curtains move around like ghosts, slowly and quietly, almost eerie. She can smell the summer rain which falls on the ground, touching the warm earth in angel like touches.

He just looks away, not wanting any words from her. She can't help but to feel confused. She can see how his eyes are closed from the corner of her eye. Small water droplets cover his face, making him look like an angel. His breathing is deep, and their arms touch at every breath he takes. Her eyes now look at his hands which are on his stomach, and for the first time in the past year or so, she remembers how strong they really look. So strong that they could probably break her if he wanted to. _Stupid._

His low voice breaks the warm silence. «So, are we going to talk about it?»

She doesn't say anything, just looks at the forgotten picture on her red wall. The words she wanted to say to him, the words she wanted to scream out loud die on her lips. Maybe ignoring him will make all of this go away.

Soon, his body is pressing hers to the bed, his face hovering over hers, his strong arms trapping her under him, and she wants to look into his eyes, but she doesn't.

Because if she does, she would break.

His lips move to her neck but he doesn't touch her, he only breaths slowly, making her skin crawling with chills. His breath moves from her neck to her collarbone, slowly, softly. Painfully.

«Lucas.» She still can't open her eyes.

His hand finds her waist as he holds onto her like he's holding her for the last time. In a way, he is. Her hands travell to his back, pushing him closer to her. The smile on his lips paints her skin without touching it.

He still hasn't kissed her in any way, and she's grateful for that. If he kisses her, it would mean that there was something still there, something hidding in the darkness of the dark blue night, lurking in the warm rain. But he can't last any longer. His lips touch her neck, and she feels like she's on fire and ice. Her hands pull him even closer so now they bodies are flush to each other.

His hand moves from her waist to her breast, and a low moan paints the air full of unspoken words. Air full of unspoken I love you's and broken promises. He said it could never happen again, but it has. His skin tingles as her hands find their way under his shirt, and he can't help but to look at her, to look into her green eyes.

And that's the moment when they both break.

**_The night fades with a breath of sunshine  
I'll do my best to adjust to the morning light  
I can't keep my place  
Feels like I've been awake for days  
Sadly, you turn away and now I'm faced  
With the harsh truth, the harsh truth  
My cold heart is a place where true love cannot bloom_**

The sunlight dances on her window, breaking the magic of the cold, dark night. It seems like the rain was never there as the warm summer breeze floats into her bedroom, moving the curtains around.

She feels his warmth next to her, his strong hands holding her for dear life. Because both of them know, he will never hold her like that again. Her hand traces small letters on his skin, as a smile graces her face. She thinks he's still sleeping, but when his voice breaks the morning's silence, she moves her hand from his skin like it was fire.

In a way, it was. Every time she touches him, in any way, she gets burnt. Always.

«I love you too.»

_**Shouldn't I feel alive?  
I swear that I tried  
To be alright  
To sleep at night  
Shouldn't I feel alive?**_

Night comes into their lives once again, slowly painting the sky with bright stars. There is no rain tonight, and her curtains don't dance around. The moonlight is sharp and cristal blue as it touches the blood red walls.

Even though she's laying on her bed, she can still hear the waves and the happy voices. She can still feel the warm fire which danced on her skin, even though she wore a long grey t-shirt to the party.

Same questions float in her mind but tonight, she has a few answers. Actually, she has only one answer, but that's better than nothing.

She locked her doors.

_**There's static on the airwaves  
I'll try to find the light through all this haze  
I can't find the words that I'm trying to say  
So try to forget me as I walk away**_

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**Hope it wasn't too confusing. Just one thing, Lucas was the one who said I love you, not Peyton. love&peace**


End file.
